20 Years &

Many Moments to Remember

A Celebration of Light on the Hill

11 June 11

The following chronology in words and pictures can only recall a few significant moments of an ongoing journey that includes many, many people (and countless other beings).  May this collection of images and reflections touch your own memories of Light on the Hill with love and joy; may your enlightened heart shine forth to help all of us find the way forward. 

– Peter Fortunato, founding Board member

In the beginning…

In July 1985, Larry buys the first 70 acres of property with the main house.

In August 1985, Alice visited the land for the first time and felt strongly connected to it. She wondered what this meant for her then-casual friendship with Larry. She said to him: “You are living my dream to be in the country, to grow spiritually, and to have a place for others to come on retreat.” He responded: “I know I am to be a caretaker for something but don’t know what that will be.” From the very beginning, a shared vision for LOH has been interwoven with the fabric of their relationship.

Over the next few months their relationship deepened, culminating in a “mystical marriage” in late December, 1985.  On a whim, they stopped into a beautifully decorated church to pray. In a seemingly magical moment, both experienced an intertwining of the different levels of their beings. It took 3 1/2 years and many challenges before the actual marriage took place!

            Larry and Alice, Easter 1986.

The Land…

The Chinese Book of Changes counsels that Time is the means of Heaven here on Earth.  The daily effort to tend the land has often been in Larry’s hands.

On June 28, 1988, at an auction Larry acquired the 125 acres where the Meadow and Woods Cottages and the Pond Retreat Hut are now located.  Alice had had a vision that this land would be essential to the future of the project they were undertaking – a project, as it turned out, that was much larger than what they had at first imagined.  During the surprisingly heated auction, the bidding for the land soared and Larry paid much more than what he had anticipated.

                                                                                   Blessing the land in August 1988.

Alice remembers that it was as if a “sacrifice” had been required. When a trailer was put up for bid and Larry sought to explain that it was actually located on property he already owned, he was called a squatter!

Many kinds of personal ceremonies have taken place on the land.

Springtime at the Healing Retreat Hut, the first retreat structure, completed in September 1988.

The Meadow Cottage was built in 1989, and while it exhausted all the funds then available, the vision of what LOH could become remained strong.

      View from the Meadow Cottage

The Love Deepens & Expands…

Alice and Larry were married August 12, 1989 just below the spot that became the site of Inner Light Lodge.

For Alice, “The story of Light on the Hill is a love story.” Larry adds,  “Let the love spread to all.”

On May 21, 1991 Light on the Hill was officially incorporated.  The first Board of Directors was comprised of diverse individuals who shared a deep commitment to spirituality and especially to the inner quest.  LOH has always been ecumenical in terms of the wisdom traditions and practices it supports, and it has never relied on financial support from any supra-organization.  Over the years, benefactors have come forward from many different backgrounds to sustain the vision and its manifestations.

 The Woods Cottage under construction, July 1992.

By the summer of 1992, solo retreatants and various groups were using the facilities year round.  This photo is of a group of men and boys headed into the woods for the first Earth-keeping Camp, which included a sweat lodge, firelight story telling, instruction in earth-keeping, and an initiation into wilderness wisdom.  The land itself has always been honored as a teacher at LOH.

The Pond Retreat Hut is built in 1994.

 Visions for Growth…

On February 10, 1996, the LOH Board and friends gathered with architect Mark Connors (center left in white shirt) to envision a larger facility that could accommodate more sizeable groups. After a visualization process, the participants were amazed at how similar the elements of their visions were—a heart and wings, tipi and longhouse, flying eagle, and center space with wings.

 A visioning process begins for what will eventually become Inner Light Lodge. “Blessed are the innocent who believe and trust.”—HIK 

Qualities describing the building were also very similar—light, natural wood, beauty, single rooms for deep reflection. In a second meeting, the envisioners laid their hands on Mark, to give him inspiration and open-hearted energy. Even years later, he claimed that it was the best architectural experience of his career. The question in everyone’s mind was how would the money be raised.   Larry replied: It will come from wherever it is now! And so it was—but only after many challenges and years of alternating between fundraising and building. The whole building process required much faith, patience and resourcefulness, especially for Larry and Alice.

Preliminary drawing for Inner Light Lodge

Hidden Treasure …

In the late 1990s another significant development at LOH was the beginning of the Hidden Treasure program, “a three-year course in personal healing and growth,” instituted by Alice and Barbara, “Babs,” Prud’homme.  Babs passed away before the inaugural class graduated, but she inspired the first major donor to fund the construction of Inner Light Lodge.

The first Hidden Treasure graduates, May 2000.

One’s true being is hidden behind many veils…. The deeper features are distorted by the games of the ego…. But the core is immaculate—the hidden treasure. The only way to see into the depths is to reverse the distortions—purify oneself by the power of authenticity.”

—Sufi Master Hazrat Inayat Khan

The Vision Takes Form…

Groundbreaking ceremony for Inner Light Lodge, June 2000.

Construction, headed by Bruce Tubbs, began on July 20, 2000.  The entire process from vision to functional facility would require almost a decade!

Construction underway, September 2000.

Labyrinth building on Ceremony Hill, October 2000.

January 2001.Timbers rising skyward as Inner Light takes form.

Summer 2004. Interior construction.

 How much of what is truly important to our lives is unseen?

Inner Light Lodge was completed in April 2005, and people made use of it immediately.  Before long, reservations were required well in advance for groups using the space for retreats and teachings sometimes lasting up to two weeks.  People have come from such countries as Australia, Afghanistan, Canada, Ireland, England, New Zealand, and Scotland, and from at least 20 of the US states.

A group meets in Fall 2005, soon after the Lodge opens.

The Vision Continues to Flow…

The nearby Pathlight Cottage, built especially for workshop leaders using the Lodge, was baptized at a rainy “community build” consisting of volunteers, headed by Mike Ward. It was completed and in use by October 2009.

  Summer Solstice, 2009.  Community Build

Pathlight Cottage, Winter 2009.

In Gratitude…

For the Land…

For the Leaders…

Alice and Larry remain the Co-Directors of Light on the Hill.  Their commitment to the spiritual life, and their tireless generosity on behalf of the vision are  inspirations to all.

 And For All  of You

Who Have Supported

Light on the Hill

And Held its Vision

All Along the Way

A sunset reflected in the windows of the Lodge suggests the prism of beautiful experiences our own spiritual light is capable of producing.   How will the founding vision and these first 20 years of manifestation develop further?  Who will help?

Thanks to the generosity of our supporters, we were able to raise the money to completely pay for the “new” truck and plow. It has already been in use a number of times. Larry just loves it, noting how powerful and efficient it is compared to the old one. I love watching the yellow dynamo moving across the white snow. We are so lucky to have people like you, who are devoted to making Light on the Hill continue to be a place of refuge for seekers, who find their way here.

Looking for More Groups

We are seeking to broaden our base of groups coming to use the lodge. According to our guidelines, such groups need to be focused on some kind of inner work–whether spiritual, psychological or healing. We found it works best if there is an already formed group, who may or may not invite LOH subscribers to participate. Sometimes such groups would like to bring in an important teacher to enhance their practice or they may just need space and time to deepen their connection in the work they do. Those doing longer spiritual retreats set up a wonderful energy that sustains those coming just for the weekends. We like having both kinds. There are still openings in May, June and the fall. Available dates are on our website under HOME/Availability. You may email us about possibilities.

Recent Events

The Preparation for Solstice/Christmas event was a reflective, joyful and heart-opening gathering. It was wonderful to see so many people eager to add depth to the holidays.

The 5-day silent retreat with Jeff Collins and Gisela Konrad–a yearly event at LOH–brought many to a deep level of spiritual awareness. The energy generated from this retreat is always a wonderful way for LOH to begin the New Year, putting us on a good trajectory.

Upcoming Events for February

An Evening of Sufi Music, Dance and Whirling with Mahbud Burton & Diane Olden
Saturday, February 19th at 7:30 pm.

Wake Up: It’s Time to Live–A Women’s Retreat with Renee McLain (formerly Beck)
Friday, evening, February 25 to Sunday, February 27

This summer brought wonderful spiritual leaders to our center, giving the land and surroundings an added spiritual boost. Some of these were Pir Zia of the Sufi Order International (pictured at left), Steve Doolittle of Astara, Sandra Barnard of the Full Spectrum School of Spiritual Awakening and Khensur Rinpoche (pictured with us), traveling all the way from New Zealand!

Many benefited from their presence. Many others came to retreat on their own, making the summer a rich and deep time for all.

Also this summer, Light on the Hill initiated a service project to give a facelift to Baker Florist in Spencer. This was a way to say thank you for the many beautiful flowers it provides to our center and to the Spencer-Van Etten community. Two groups connected to LOH worked on the project: The Full Spectrum School of Spiritual Awakening, which comes to LOH twice a year on retreat and graduates of the Hidden Treasure Program.

In the next few days we will be sending out the Fall Schedule of retreats and workshops. Stay tuned!

Wishing you many blessings!

Alice and Larry

We are very grateful for all our supporters this past year who
built and helped finance the creation of Pathlight Cottage.
It made its debut in October and has been a huge success
ever since. Thank you all!

Upcoming Events

Here are some of the upcoming events at Light on the Hill this winter-spring. For more details, click on the link or visit our web site. We will also be sending reminders closer to each one`s date.

She Who Remembers: Waking to the Primal Self


Sue Hirschberger and Renee Beck, two dynamic women whose retreats are popular here.

February 26-28th, 2010

The Four Worlds of the Soul

Atum O`Kane, well-loved presenter

April 23-25, 2010

Astara Lodestar Retreat

Rev. Steve Doolittle

Astara is a group of world-wide members who study esoteric teachings and mystic philosophy. Larry has been a member for many years.

April 26-30, 2010

Women`s Retreat “The Path of the Priestess”

with Jalaja Bonheim, founder of Circlework

May 13-16, 2010

The Heart`s Calling

Pir Zia Inayat Khan, spiritual leader of the Sufi Order International

June 4-6, 2010

A Silent Retreat

with Michael Hall

June 11-13, 2010

We look forward to seeing you this year.

Alice and Larry

My own experience heightened this line of questioning. I had a grandson born on the Chinese New Year (January 29). On the morning of his birth before his mother went into labor, I had a profound experience that something awesome was about to happen. I was to be reunited with a great being whom I had lost but didn`t`t know I had lost until then.

It would be wonderful to imagine that great beings are coming to this planet during these discouraging times and that “Help is on the way!” Whether this is true or not, we welcome these new seeds of life, who are being born into supportive homes, and send them many blessings for their journeys.

Such ponderings made me realize that we, as spiritual seekers, whether we are directly related to these young ones or not, have a responsibility in helping them to remember the perennial wisdom that lies deep within them. How do we help awaken them in an age when materialism, surface beauty, premature sexuality, violence and drugs beckon to them from every direction? Will we be viewed as archaic relics of an irrelevant former time or as wise elders that have something to teach? How we properly navigate the passing on of wisdom will be a challenge for all of us and will help determine which direction the ensuing years will take.

On the other end of the spectrum, Larry and I recently visited his mother who is failing more and more as a result of TIA`s (mini strokes) and dementia. I watched as he so lovingly and quietly sat with his mother. The aide kept urging his mother to talk to her son (which was very hard for her to do) but he said it was not necessary. There can be a communication with those in the last stages of life that can go beyond talk. It is one of love, energy and connection, the same kind of communication that is possible with a newborn. Stephen Levine in his Healing into Life and Death speaks about synchronizing one`s breath with the one who is ill or dying as a profound way of deeply connecting with them. Here is another learning to be acquired and finessed–to be truly present to those who preparing to return to the world from which the newborns have just come.

Comings and goings are always with us, but there are times in life when these passages impact us more directly. Such times help us to step back from the myriad of details that overrun our lives and look at the bigger picture of why we are here. They remind us of the other worlds and they help us to connect more with the Source of all birth and death. Births in particular, give us hope for a new, more enlightened future.

Whether we think of it in terms of discerning the unconscious patterns of our lives or the political /historical patterns with which we are surrounded, perspective offers us a sense of balance and detachment. We are able, as the dictionary says, to view things in their true relation with each other.

We may think of perspective as being gained either from the lazy man’s approach to enlightenment ie. putting forth little effort at development, or of being the fruit of intense meditation or deep inner work. In the first approach, perspective becomes an organic process gleaned simply from the experiences undergone with the passing of years. Perspective is gained haphazardly and over long spans of time. In the latter case, the spiritual trainee, by consiously pursuing development, is able to access deeper levels of perspective more quickly and effectively. In either case, the person develops an increasing sense of the a ha moment in their life, the ability to recognize a familiar pattern taking place either within or around oneself. Ah, I’ve seen that before.

We begin to develop an innate sense of the spiral-like nature of all life, inwardly as well as outwardly. We find ourselves encountering familiar landmarks in our psychological landscape as well as out there in the world. As the spiral tightens, progress becomes more swift. A sense of being cared for, of getting it grows and becomes more strong, even though we may as yet be unable to articulate this understanding. It doesn’t matter. We are becoming increasingly steady and balanced in our passage through the world. Does our choosing matter? We would suggest that the gaining of perspective is well worth whatever time and effort we can put towards this accomplishment. The value of perspective, while living in such times as our modern era, is hard to overestimate.

Whether through plain, everyday experience or by applying ourselves consciously to inner development and spiritual discipline, the end result is assured. What makes a difference, here and now, is our exercising of the power of choice. Do we opt for the extended tutelage of the long-body of experience, or the straight-and-narrow course offered by self-development? The value of a choice embracing a conscious, deliberate development of our own spiritual potential can only have a benificient effect on both our own welfare and that of all beings everywhere.

With blessings, Larry

(1) Watch your thoughts about money. Do they go along the lines: “I can`t afford to buy that; I can`t do that workshop because it is too expensive; I have to be careful about the groceries I buy so I can keep to my budget.” All of these thoughts send messages of scarcity to the Universe. Often these messages become a self fulfilling prophecy. Our thoughts have power and do effect our life. (An explanation of why this is true must be reserved for another time.) A better way to proceed would be to ask for guidance on whether to buy something or not, or to go to a workshop or not. An element of trust is needed with this practice that the guidance (if it is coming from your highest self vs your ego self) will not leave you on the lurch. This trust can be developed by practicing asking for guidance and see what happens. You might notice that in light of divine insight, you don`t really need something or that it is really important for you to have something. Most of us when looking over our lives see that we were always taken care of even when things were tight. In asking the Divine for guidance we are spiritualizing our thoughts, which helps free us from worry, scarcity thinking and ego desires.

(2) Many religious traditions advocate tithing–giving (often 10%) of your income to charity or one`s spiritual community. In the Islamic tradition the suggestion is to give 2% of all your holdings (stocks, personal property, etc.) to charity each year–a much harder task. When I first met Larry and was struggling financially as a single parent of 2 boys, he suggested that I tithe 10%. I looked at him as if he were crazy. I had barely enough to make things meet. Yet I did begin to tithe. I couldn`t quite bring myself to give 10% but I did try to do 5%. I noticed a difference. More money came flowing in. I likened it to a pipe which is blocked when one holds on to money but flows when one gives it away. Basically, such an action sends the Universe a message that one does have enough money to give away. This counteracts the thought message that I don`t have enough and thus has the reverse effect.

(3) Many seekers on the path believe that to be poor is spiritual and thus they unconsciously create scarcity in their lives. Spirituality in actuality is detachment from riches and poverty–not getting hung up on either one. If one is worried about having enough money, it is just as much an attachment to money as someone who is wealthy and worries about his/her possessions or what to do with the money. I do believe that money is energy and as one grows spiritually and energetically there is a greater feeling of abundance/radiance. This spills out into the material world in various ways: increased income, generous gifts received, needs being swiftly met. The more energy / money one has, the more one is able to be of service to others. This increases one`s spiritual influence in the world and thus honors the Divine. There is a sense of openness and expansion which benefits self and others. These three principles can be simply stated but require lots of practice. It is difficult changing deeply ingrained thought patterns and actions, although worth the effort. In addition to ridding oneself of financial worries, such actions as watching one`s thoughts and asking for guidance are key practices for spiritual growth and the fulfillment it promises. We wish you an abundance of blessings in 2004!

This caused me to ask what am I putting my time and effort into that would have a significant enough impact on my psyche to remain after much else was gone. It’s sobering to think that so much of what we consider important in life, so many daily activities are not what we want to remain with us. Added to this are the many worried, anxious, and fearful thoughts that can dominate our days. I observed one woman in the facility’s beauty parlor who was afraid to have her nails cut. Even before this incident, I could see much terror in her eyes. By contrast, there was another woman who didn’t speak much but had a wonderful presence. I would walk into a room filled with people and my eyes would go immediately to her. She seemed to radiate magnetism. I wondered if she practiced meditation in her life.

The spiritual lesson of surrender surfaced when working with Larry’s stepfather. So many older people pride themselves on their independence. Out of true concern for others, they do not want to be a burden. This problem is that their insistence on independence is often more of a burden in terms of worry and possible danger. Again I asked myself, will I be willing to surrender driving a car, living independently, or making decisions about my life that I no longer understand. Hopefully the present spiritual practice of surrendering to the divine will at each moment of my life will prepare me for such challenges when and if the time comes.

The esoteric teachings state that there is a turning point at age 49. Either the person is ready to step into a more spiritual life, i.e. to a further unfolding of their soul’s calling and to an opening of the third eye or they keep the old ways and gradually decline as a result. I derive hope from seeing many spiritual elders that are vibrant and active into their late 80′s. Even Ram Das who suffered from a stroke is still very active.

We are presently preparing for our future life. What grooves are we placing in our psyches? Are they the ones we want? How willingly do we surrender in our daily life to the greater plan? Are we working with our chakras and energy fields? These are the questions that caring for the elderly have brought to me.

In many ways I don’t feel like an elder. I’m the me that has always been, who contains the spirited child, the devastated 11 year old whose father died, the figured-it-all-out twenty year old, the joyful new mother, the shaky divorcee, the beginning meditator, the happy second wife and so on. Yet, there are some thoughts coming in that have not been there before. How many decades are left? Perhaps only one– or three, if I’m lucky. Does this change how I live my life? I feel I want to be more focused on what is important and to achieve a better balance between work, prayer, study, family and fun, but I’m not sure what that balance is and know it will require tinkering.

The joy of being a grandmother is delightful and I’ve reflected on what it means to be one, particularly since my granddaughter lives so far away. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am the field for the activity of my busy family just as a football field is for the intensity of that game. No one pays much attention to the field as they intently watch a game but the field is crucial to there being any game at all. I take seriously this role as field, holding the space for my family through love, prayer and being present to them. This is what elders do.

I realize that I also am a field when I guide, counsel and heal. My role is to be present to the seeker, to connect with the greater divinity within my self and him/ her, and to hold the space for the transformative work to take place. It is a very feminine action similar to the womb which supports the growth of the baby. There are a lot less hassles being the field. I don’t have to figure it out; I don’t have to prepare mentally or physically; I just have to be present and let the Divine Spirit work. In this way, becoming an elder dovetails with one goal of the spiritual life which is increasingly to let go of ego activity and wait for the spontaneous activity of the divine deeper self.

In reflecting on the role of elder as field, I am reminded of a Rumi poem about the ultimate field: Out beyond the ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase each other, doesn’t make much sense. As one ages, even language and ideas can go, but one can increasingly unite with this field, which is where we all want to be. All of you who have been touched by Light on the Hill, I’ll meet you in this field, as I send you blessings and love. Alice

What can be the key to our continuing progression, materially, psychologically and spiritually; a way of making some sense of recent experiences, both internally and externally? Comparing the reading of a text to the experiencing of life, let’s consider how one works through a worthwhile book. Some chapters may be more enjoyable than others, some may be downright scary. How to persevere and progress to the end? Simply put, by turning the page. No matter what we encountered in our reading, we would know the story was worthwhile and sentence by sentence, page by page, we would keep on with our task until we had made the wholeness of the book our very own. We would not judge the book’s worth by the content of a single sentence or chapter. In fact, our personal preferences would be suspended for the duration because we know that the book, taken as a whole, would be much more valuable than any partial impressions we might form about it before reaching its end. We would no sooner judge the book from the impression given from a single sentence or chapter than we would consider judging a movie by a single frame or scene. Wholeness or completeness is crucial for a correct evaluation.

The challenge is always to do our best to achieve wholeness or completion, to reserve judgment until things are viewed in their entirety. We are all, individually and together, on the journey of becoming whole. Whether or not this journey has an actual ending remains an open question. The point is to realize that our judgments, beliefs and understanding of ourselves or the world are partial, i.e. incomplete. These opinions and beliefs are but markings. They help us make temporary sense of where we are on our journey in much the same way that we might use a bookmark to help us locate our place during a good read.

The problem arises when we enshrine them as permanent truths. Then, we risk becoming fixed, frozen into a specific outlook or attitude. Traumatic events only increase the likelihood of our becoming immobilized or of even regressing in consciousness. Our awareness becomes stuck, not able to broaden or deepen, unable to maintain the necessary level of flexibility and openness that a successful completion of our journey will require.

Ultimately, perhaps, there are no final truths, just resting places along the way. As long as we keep turning the page, sentence by sentence, chapter by chapter (even book by book), we can always expect that clarity and wisdom will grant us their boons in the long run. If we get confused or even scared along the way, we may rest assured that a little further down the road an increasing wholeness, a further reading of the story, will always bring a more complete understanding and perhaps, hopefully, even an eventual acceptance of why things have proceeded the way they have. We simply keep turning the page!